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Day 2 & 3, Vancouver Fringe Festival

Media personality Ted Friendly delivers the low-down on the Vancouver Fringe.

Gooooooooood Morning Vietnam! What? We're in Vancouver! Oh no! Get me a plane ticket outta here! Just kidding folks. Vancouver is a land of opportunity if there ever was one. Let me give you the lay of the land, here:

The Fringe Festival hub is in a hoppin' little neighborhood called Granville Island. They got your bars, your theatres, your coffee cups, your farmer's market, your gelato and your BARS! What! Did I say bars twice? Where was I? Fringe Festival shows are happening all over this little island, BUT we've been following the Box of the Clowns, and they are across town in a venue called the FIrehall. I'll give you three guesses what it was before it was a theatre. DING DING! First prize goes to the gal in her PJs! You win a trip to Loserville population YOU! Just kidding. There are several Fringe Shows at different venues around town, not just Granville Island. It's a small enough city so we're hoping it's not too much of a handicap for Box of Clowns to win the Fringe.

What? There's no winner of the Fringe? What's the point? What about all those laurels I see on all the posters? ...OK, so we can still win awards. Like, Pick of the Fringe, or So-and-So-Award, Or We-Made-Your-Uncle-Cry-Like-Your-Baby-Sister Award. You get the dealo.

We had our first show on Thursday. And we had....drum roll please....AN AUDIENCE! YES! WITH 91 SHOWS TO CHOOSE FROM SOME SUCKERS STILL CAME TO SEE OURS ON A THURSDAY EARLY EVENING! We hope this bodes well for the rest of the festival. The next show is tonight. What's gonna happen? I'm quivering in my seat! The room is shaking!

After the show was the Georgia Straight Fringe-For-All. I had no idea what a Georgia Straight is either. I thought "Hey! You! Aren't we in CANADA? Georgia is in USA!!! HERLOOOOO!!!" But no one answered back. Turns out Georgia Straight is a hippie-dippie artsy rag. With all the shows and stuff. Did I mention they mentioned us in their Fringe artichoke article (auto-correct!)? Yeah! Take that, Vancouver!

Where was I? The Fringe-For-All showcased 40 shows (so 31 losers weren't cool enough, apparently). The Box did a little skit that got everyone whooping where they opened up an urn and there was a message saying "IS MOM DEAD" What? It's in three pieces! Switch it around! "SI DEAD WOW" That's not it! Move around again! "MOM IS DEAD" Oh no! Run off stage! How exciting. People were sweating. I peed my pants!

Yesterday we all took a little break, well kinda. We put up posters down the main drag, and saw a few shows:

EYE CANDY: Juggler guy! Funny! I want to get a drink with this guy!

MARCELLA: LET'S GET THE PARTY STARTED: Beautiful woman sang me and Diane a birthday song while Patty blew bubbles. I didn't know magic was possible in a community arts space the size of half my living room in my studio apartment! Can I get your number, Marcella!? Hello!!!!

GRANT CANYON: NO TWEED TOO TIGHT: Folks, I love this stuff. I was on the edge of my seat. What a thriller! This guy played every character in a murder mystery! Very funny! What? IS HE A CLOWN? Where's your nose, pal! Diane has been telling me that you can be a clown without wearing a red nose, I think she's just trying to take a jab at me- POLL THE WEB: SHOULD I BE OFFENDED?

We got a drink at the Fringe bar and ran into our pal protesting GREATEST MONKEY SHOW ON EARTH. What a great message. I am never buying a monkey suit again.

We're really excited to see our friends in: BEST PICTURE, HIGH TEA and GARY HAS A DATE.

Diane is tired of all the funny stuff and wants to see a one-woman show about the tragedy of suburban families not having access to compost bins, but I'd rather poke my eye out first! Maybe EYE CANDY guy will juggle it! I'd rather see that! Too bad I wouldn't be able to! Cause he'd be juggling my eye! BA DUM CHING!

That's all for now, we've got a busy day ahead of us- hittin the streets to hand out our press material! We have 2500 flyers to get rid of! Ouch! Take em! Take em while I'm young! And our NEXT SHOW!


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